HomeCampus#ThickEnvelope: Five Ways to Enhance Your College Essay
Don't Be Fooled by Gift Card Scams

#ThickEnvelope: Five Ways to Enhance Your College Essay

Stanford
Stanford

By Patrick Lorenzo
Associate Director of Admissions
Saint Mary’s College

With autumn in full swing and travel season wrapping up for admissions representatives around the country, that means reading season is around the corner. What I look forward to most during file review is getting the opportunity to read personal essays. As I embark on my ninth cycle of admissions, this part of the season never gets old. I consider it a privilege to read one’s story. ​Whether you​ are​ putting the finishing touches on your personal statement, revising what feels like draft number one hundred, brainstorming on a topic, or just realizing you need to write one, there’s a good chance you​ have​ asked yourself one of the following questions:
Does this sound like me? Is this enough?​ ​Where do I begin?​ ​Do counselors really read my essay?​ ​How do I make it better?
Having read thousands of personal statements I’ve seen a variety of great essays.

Some are moving and thought provoking while others are creative or clever. The statements that do​ not​ stick out are likely the ones that did not take full advantage of their opportunity to showcase their voice.​ ​Maybe they wrote on one of the following common essay topics:
 
Overcoming the injury – Usually sports related and aims to show how one is able to overcome adversity.
 
Family hero – Likely inspired by a grandparent whose legacy one would like to continue.
 
Overcoming a death – Similar to the injury topic, except more emotionally driven.
 
Championship moment – Highlighting a particular play or game that regardless of victory or defeat taught one the lesson of teamwork.
 
Wanderlust – Usually service driven or an enrichment experience that helped one to see the world in a whole new way.
 
​The aforementioned topics are not bad options. I would urge you to explore other ideas and if you end up choosing one of these routes I recommend you do the following to maximize your voice in order to be memorable rather than forgettable. Counselors around the country are charged with reading plenty of applications in a time compressed manner. This means you must be mindful of how you capture the attention of an admissions counselor. Here’s what I recommend to make sure you have exhausted your effort:
 
1) Multiple proof readers – Ask a family member, a school official, and a friend to each review your essay. The more perspectives, the better the input. You’ll know you’re on the right track when each reader finds similarities.
 
2) Dig deeper – When you think you’ve found your voice have someone read it aloud. Listen to your song and be your own critic. Does it sound authentic? Does it hit the right notes? You’ll know when the melody and harmony of your statement shines thru.
 
3) Structure counts – Unless you​ are​ encouraged to get cute or imaginative, a standard essay format will put you at an appropriate length. Poems, short stories, or other creative prose are best suited in other areas. Demonstrate to the college you can write clearly and coherently.
 
4) Vocabulary matters – Use appropriate language, mix up your word use a little bit, however, do​ not​ ​dip in​to your dictionary early or often. If you have to look up the spelling, you​ are​ likely out of your vocal range. If you​ are​ double checking the meaning you might be getting too cute and clever​. Stick to language you know and understand.​
 
5) Start fast, finish strong – Unlike a good dramatic TV series (think ​The ​Walking Dead) or an epic movie franchise (like Star Wars), you do​ not​ have a tremendous amount of time to develop your story. A little build up is fine, but grab our attention. Make your points. Brief yet complete. Comprehensive yet concise. End strong. Save some good material at the end​ and w​rap it up accordingly.​ Again, this is an essay not a Hollywood script.​
Remember, your college essay is the part of your application you can still transform. It’s your voice. Make sure we hear you. Do not cater it to us or try to figure out what we are looking for in the essay. Do you and the rest will follow.
 

(About the Author: #ThickEnvelope is a new monthly column that can be read exclusively on AsAmNews. Patrick Gabriel Lorenzo is a San Francisco Bay Area native and a graduate of both a University of California campus and a regional private college. He has nearly 15 years of experience in higher education spanning public and private institutions. He is a firm believer in access, against the notion of college acceptances being a prize to be won, and promotes the idea of searching colleges from the inside out. Patrick can be reached at [email protected] for further questions.)

RELATED STORIES:

Five Things to Kickstart Your College Applications

How to get an admissions counselor to notice you.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Latest

Worth the Time

Must Read

Regular Features

Latest

Discover more from AsAmNews

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading