HomeWayne's WorldI Would Hate to be a Hamster in Hong Kong Right Now

I Would Hate to be a Hamster in Hong Kong Right Now

By Wayne Chan, AsAmNews Humorist

Turns out that authorities in Hong Kong have stopped pet stores from selling hamsters, and taken to “humanely” culling the furry little creatures on the suspicion that the hamsters could infect humans with Covid-19. For some context, the City University of Hong Kong’s Center for Animal Health and Welfare said the risk of contracting the virus from pets is “negligible.”

Still, government authorities aren’t taking any chances, and have requested that recent hamster owners voluntarily relinquish their furry companions to be dealt with.

I have questions.

Question #1: While I doubt that any significant effort is even being made, how would you even do a rapid test on a hamster? Do the test manufacturers actually produce a cotton swab that could fit into a hamster’s nose?

Question #2: If you don’t test a hamster for Covid, how would you even know that they had it? How do you ask a hamster if they’ve suddenly lost their sense of taste or smell? I haven’t had Covid and for the life of me, I still can’t tell you what lettuce tastes or smells like. It’s like eating crunchy nothing.

Question #3: How do you “humanely” kill a hamster? I have no idea, but if I had to guess, I’d imagine that cannabis-infused brownies and Kenny G playing in the background are involved.

Apparently, a voluntary round-up of hamsters isn’t a strong enough solution according to some lawmakers. Hong Kong lawmaker Michael Tien said a mandate to round up hamsters was necessary, and to only ‘strongly recommend’ people to turn in their hamsters is “Neither fish nor fowl”.

Wait a minute. I thought we were talking about hamsters!?! Now you want Nemo too?

For some in Hong Kong, this latest assault on hamster rights in Hong Kong’s “Zero Covid” policy has gone one hamster step too far. Actual “Resistance Fighters” have been formed to hide and care for the targeted rodents. Apparently, they’ve formed, shall I say, an “Underground Hamster Wheel”?

Well, I say, good for you, Hong Kong pet owners. I wouldn’t give up my pet based on false assumptions or panicked decision-making either. As far as I’m concerned, we should follow science. Blaming hamsters for Covid-19? That’s just crazy.

Thank heavens I live in the U.S., where everyone’s rational.

You’ll have to excuse me, I’m waiting for my monthly shipment of horse paste and bleach and I don’t want to miss it.

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