By Wayne Chan, AsAmNews Humorist
Every Tuesday, I play tennis. At my age, my definition of tennis is a bunch of 50 and 60-year-old guys who complain about our current ailments and how much pain we’re in while playing a couple of sets of tennis.
After tennis, we go to the club sports bar and drink a few beers and expand on our ever-growing list of pulled muscles and aching joints.
I know it doesn’t sound like that much fun but you’d have to be there.
On this particular Tuesday night, beyond describing our latest slipped disk or pulled groin muscle, we started talking about the Chinese balloon that has been floating across the country the past few weeks.
Maybe because I’m just about the only Asian guy there, during the discussion, one of my tennis buddies turns to me and asks, very earnestly, “Wayne, what do you think is going on with that balloon?”.
I could give him the benefit of the doubt and consider the fact that he might know that I’ve gone to China on business many, many times, or maybe he assumes that I might have family who have connections there. But honestly, I think he asked because, as I mentioned before, I was the only Asian guy there.
Before I could even come up with a clever reply, another one of my buddies (who is also not Asian), chimes in and says, “What are you asking Wayne for? What makes you think he knows anything? He’s just as clueless as the rest of us!”.
I’ve never appreciated getting a backhanded compliment as much as that one.
From the scant information that’s been released, the balloon was 200 feet tall, was carrying a payload of over three busloads, and had propellers that could move it in various directions.
Based on my calculated guess, I’ve narrowed it down to two things: it’s either a surveillance balloon or someone decided to pay for the world’s most expensive floating RV caravan.
In all seriousness though, my friend is right – I’m completely clueless when it comes to this balloon.
Still, that doesn’t mean that I can’t have a little fun with the guys for next week’s tennis night.
It’ll probably go something like this:
OK guys, I checked with my sources. I know what the Chinese are up to. I know it looks like a 200-foot-tall balloon, but the truth is it’s not really a balloon.
If the thing hadn’t been shot down, we all would have figured out what was going on on April fools day. It wasn’t a balloon. It was a giant egg. And for those of you who have a backyard pool, you’re just lucky you weren’t the target of this elaborate April fool’s joke.
You would have been known as the victim of the world’s largest egg drop soup.
I just wonder how many cartons of MSG they would have had to drop to get it just right.
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