Travels with Tony: San Franciscan Experiences Chinese Malaysian Wedding

By Tony Lee
Travels with Tony

I tagged along with my brother Howard and his wife Tracey as they attended her nephew’s wedding in Kuala Lumpur, the Malaysian capitol. I had only met Tracey’s sister (mother of the groom) once many years ago ,but I was told that my gate crashing would not be a problem.

The bride and groom are both of Chinese descent and I was interested in seeing how a Chinese/Malaysian wedding differed from a Chinese/American one. The day started at 10am with a church ceremony that lasted over an hour. It was a typical service with a pastor who led the congregation of 60-70 people in song and prayer. The wedding party consisted of 5 groomsmen and 5 maids of honor; there was no ring bearer or flower girl. Vows were exchanged and the couple was ultimately pronounced man and wife.

Although the church service was open to all, it was only attended by family members. Immediately after the service, a Chinese buffet lunch was served in the reception hall. During that time, the bride and groom took part in the traditional ceremony of serving tea to their parents. In return, the couple received lucky money in red envelopes and the bride was given some heirloom jewelry. All of the morning’s activities were so familiar to me that it might well have been a Chinese wedding in SF.

The banquet dinner turned out to be typical as well. It was held at a large Chinese restaurant. The usual nine course dinner was served. Why nine? In Cantonese, the word for “nine” sounds like the word that means a “long time”. So the meal is supposed to be bring about a long lasting marriage. During the meal, the bride and groom made the rounds and toasted friends and family at each of the 22 tables.

There was no cake at the reception so I expected it at dinner. I was surprised to learn that rarely is there a cake at a Chinese Malaysian wedding. A cousin of the bride explained that everyone is supposed to be so full from the nine courses that there is no room for cake. In the rare instance where a cake is seen, it is a fake mock up with only one “real slice” for the wedding couple. Guests can’t have their cake and eat it, too (ha ha)!

In talking with others at the dinner, I learned that a Chinese wedding held in Malaysia is remarkably similar to one held in Sydney, London, Vancouver, Singapore or San Francisco. Howard said that Hong Kong wedding banquets are followed by the setting up of mah jong tables and people play late into the night.

Nonetheless traditions endure and in combination with Christian church services, Chinese wedding celebrations come out the same no matter where they take place in the world.