By Lena Li
Episode Description：
In this episode, Mr. Lei, a 71-year-old immigrant from Wuhan, China, shares his journey of adapting to life in the U.S. His story offers insight into the challenges and experiences of Chinese elderly migrants aging abroad.
Chinese Immigrant Stories is a Mandarin-language podcast produced by AsAmNews designed to serve members of the limited-English speaking Chinese community. You can subscribe to it on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and YouTube Podcasts where you can view it with English subtitles.
Lena：
In the Central Park near my home, every morning, there’s always a group of elderly people from China gathering together to practice Tai Chi or do square dancing. Most of them began their journey of migration in their later years, driven by the need to join their children who had immigrated to the United States.
According to data from the Migration Policy Institute (MPI) in 2021, Chinese immigrants aged 65 and older make up 20% of the total Chinese immigrant population in the United States.
In China, there is a term called “left-behind children,” which refers to children in rural areas who stay behind in their hometowns with their grandparents while their parents work in the cities. Similarly, for those who have immigrated from China to the United States, their parents left behind in China, without the support of their children, become “left-behind elderly” or “empty-nest elderly.” Some elderly parents frequently travel back and forth between China and the U.S. to help care for their grandchildren. As they age, some children choose to help their parents immigrate and settle in the U.S. This may seem like a happy ending, but these elderly parents, who “passively” migrate due to their children’s immigration, have to leave behind the home they have lived in for their entire lives and move to a brand-new country, experiencing the process of “aging away from home” in an unfamiliar environment. This process is actually much more difficult than we might imagine. Language barriers, not being able to drive, limited mobility, lack of friends… How do these elderly individuals cope with such challenges?
Today, I had the honor of interviewing Mr. Lei, a 71-year-old elder from Wuhan, China. He will share with me his experiences and feelings since moving to the United States over a year ago, as well as the challenges and difficulties he has encountered. Through Mr. Lei’s story, I hope we can gain a deeper understanding of the Chinese elderly immigrant community and take more practical actions to support and help them adapt to their new environment more quickly.
Mr. Lei has a son and a daughter, both of whom chose to come to the United States for education and work at an early age. They have gradually settled here and started their own families. Since his son recently had a second child, Mr. Lei’s wife has flown to Philadelphia to live with his son’s family and help take care of the children. Mr. Lei himself stays with his daughter’s family in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Mr. Lei does not speak English and cannot drive. The South Bay area where his daughter lives also lacks convenient public transportation. Mr. Lei told me that he rarely goes out and spends most of his time in the house gardening in the yard. They grow so many vegetables that they no longer need to buy them from the supermarket, and he often gives freshly picked vegetables to his daughter’s friends and family.
Mr. Lei：
Our yard is very large, with a lot of grass. I have to mow the lawn every week, which takes at least a day.
Lena:
When asked about how he is adapting to life in the United States, Mr. Lei said:
Mr. Lei：
Adapting has been quite difficult. One issue is the language barrier, another is not being able to drive. The third issue is not having friends. Here, I feel very lonely. When they (his children) go to work, I’m alone in the house, with no one to talk to and no friends visiting. In China, it was more lively; after getting older, I would spend time with fellow old friends. We would chat and enjoy each other’s company. Life was also more convenient there.
Lena：
Loneliness is a common issue faced by many elderly immigrants in the United States. Although they have more opportunities to be with their children, the busy schedules of their children cannot completely fill the social void for the elderly. As Mr. Lei mentioned, language barrier, transportation system, and inactive social life are the three major challenges these Chinese elderly immigrants face. Language can be learned, friends can be made, but transportation is a situation that cannot be changed. Not being able to drive means limited mobility in the U.S. After their children and grandchildren go to work or school each day, the elderly are left alone in empty houses and yards. It’s hard to imagine the loneliness and homesickness they must feel.
Unlike Mr. Lei’s situation, his wife is busy every day managing the children and household chores, sometimes so much that she doesn’t even have time to eat. As Mr. Lei puts it, “When there’s something to do, time seems to pass faster.” However, the daily grind without social interaction or rest often leaves the elderly feeling exhausted. I once met a grandmother in the park who had come from China to help take care of her grandchildren. She told me that her days are entirely consumed by looking after the children, with no social life or friends, feeling like an endlessly working robot, and she feels extremely fatigued.
Some elderly individuals slowly adapt to such a lifestyle, while others, unable to adjust, decide to return back to China, preferring to age alone rather than live this way in the U.S. There are also those, like Mr. Lei, who face the situation proactively and seek solutions. Mr. Lei told me that he wants to find an English language course to improve his language skills and is also considering learning to drive and obtaining a driver’s license.
Mr. Lei：
If there’s an English language course available, we’ll go and attend it. Once basic language skills are acquired, things will become easier. Although I’m in my seventies, my health is still good, and I need to slowly learn how to drive.
Lena:
These elderly individuals traveled thousands of miles from China to join their children in the U.S. During the long process of adjusting to life in a foreign land, a closed social environment is a significant factor contributing to their psychological burden. A research report from San Jose State University highlights that the prevalence of depression and mental health issues among Chinese elderly immigrants needs greater attention. Language barriers, low levels of social networks, and a commitment to family and traditional values, which diminish personal emotional needs, all contribute to an increased risk of depression and mental health problems among elderly immigrants.
If these elderly individuals choose to stay alone in China, separated from their children by vast distances, they will inevitably face the prospect of spending their later years in loneliness. However, even after coming to live with their children in a foreign land, such as the U.S., the sense of loneliness does not seem to fully disappear. How do these Chinese elderly immigrants feel about the dilemma of “aging in China versus aging in the U.S.”?
Mr. Lei：
In China, without children by our side, as we get older, the festive seasons can feel quite lonely because everyone else is surrounded by large, lively families, while their own celebrations are rather subdued. For now, we’ll just take it one step at a time and see how things go.
Lena:
Aside from external challenges, elderly individuals living under the same roof with their children also encounter family issues they were not previously familiar with. Differences in lifestyle and habits mean that they must navigate and adapt to new ways of interacting in a new environment with their children and even grandchildren. Meanwhile, the first-generation immigrant children, under their own living pressures, also bear the burden of helping their parents adapt to the new environment. Conflicts and tensions often arise during this process. Some families may resolve these issues through communication and mutual effort, but others may find themselves facing persistent dissatisfaction with family dynamics, leading some elderly individuals to eventually choose to return to their home country with regret.
Mr. Lei told me that he feels very fortunate because his children are very respectful and patient with both him and his wife. Currently, their interactions are quite pleasant.
Mr. Lei：
Living together for a long time, I am still concerned that conflicts might arise in the future, although I haven’t noticed any issues yet. My children are quite sympathetic and considerate towards us, and the mutual interactions and cooperation have been quite smooth.
Lena:
During his over a year in the Bay Area, Mr. Lei has made a few elderly friends from China, and he always feels very happy when spending time with them at gatherings.
Mr. Lei：
After coming to the Bay Area, I’ve made some friends, all around seventy years old. We go out for meals, have heart-to-heart talks, sing songs, and even do some music together. Currently, I have four or five friends who can drive. Whether it’s the men or the women, they all have cars, and if there are any activities, they come to pick me up.
Lena：
Mr. Lei also hopes that one day he will be able to drive like his friends, going to the supermarket, attending gatherings, and visiting any place he wants to go, rather than always having to rely on others for transportation.
During the interview, when Mr. Lei mentioned the various challenges he faced as an elderly immigrant in the U.S., he always maintained an optimistic and positive attitude. While I’m unsure when his issues with driving and language will be fully resolved, I know that the support and care from his children and family are the greatest motivation for him to continuously face these challenges.
I hope that Chinese elderly immigrants will receive more attention and support from society as a whole. I also hope that senior centers in the community can provide more resources and assistance in areas such as transportation, language, and social activities. Free English classes, improved public transportation, and community senior gatherings can all help them adapt to their new environment more quickly and effectively. Let us raise our voices and call for systemic improvements to support elderly immigrants in adapting to their new surroundings, and work together to create a more harmonious Chinese immigrant community.
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