8 steps to unleash the power of giving

By Hali Lee

We are living in a second Gilded Age with billionaires taking control over our philanthropy, and, now, our government. It can feel scary and overwhelming. But it’s time that we, the people, reclaim philanthropy. (Which, incidentally, will also make us more engaged and powerful citizens.)

Giving circles, community care, and mutual aid societies have been around for millennia. Koreans call it geh, Indonesians call it arisan, some in the West Indies call it i sou sou, Mexicans call it tanda, Eritreans and Ethiopians call it mahiber. Christians have tithing, Jews have tzedaka, Muslims have zakat, and Hindus have dana. We all come from cultures of generosity. How can we take those cultural endowments and turn them into philanthropic practice today? One that prioritizes our neighbors and communities, one that is people-centered and people-powered?

Here’s a guide.

Step 1 – Start with Your Kitchen Table

Kitchen tables have always been the locus of a lot of powerful organizing. And yours can be, too!

Step 2 – Gather Your Friends

Make a list of who you’d like to build community and make change with. Literally picture them around your living room or kitchen table. How many spots do you have? What do you imagine they’ll bring to the potluck? What do you imagine they’ll bring to the conversation? 

Step 3 – Add A Leaf or Two

So as to avoid tribalization or echo chambers, add a few seats for people outside your group of regulars. Who might add an interesting perspective? If your friends tend to work in similar fields or live in the same neighborhood, consider adding someone who works in a different area, or who lives one neighborhood over.

Step 4 – Think of Issues and Inspirations

To prepare for the first gathering, start gathering your thoughts. As you are the convener (or co-convener!) of this kitchen table, write down what keeps you up at night, and what inspires you. Try to keep it local. For example, I am deeply worried about how migrating people are being targeted right now across the US. What is happening in my city, county, neighborhood? Can I take inspiration, and learn lessons, from any groups, organizations, or people? 

Step 5 – Talk About What Values Most Animate You

It’s important to identify your underlying “why” in order to engage in social change with integrity. I have a friend whose family escaped Vietnam in the 1970s and made it to the US via refugee camps thanks to the work of religious organizations. To this day, this friend gives time and money to religious organizations who provide food and housing for refugees. Her values are informed by her faith and her family’s experience. As you gather your friends, think about what personal or familial experiences might undergird your giving.

Step 6 – Identify Some Common Ones

When you gather your friends, ask them to share their familial and personal experiences. Ask them to share stories like my friend’s, and be ready to share yours. It will be moving and meaningful to listen and witness with one another. And I promise you that over time, knowing deep truths about each other will knit your group closer together and make you a more connected member of your community. 

Step 7 – Pick One Action

This might take two or three get-togethers, but the goal at first is to pick ONE ACTION that you can do together as a group. It might be volunteering together, going to a lecture to learn more, or attending a city council meeting. It might include pooling and collecting money to donate together.

Step 8 – Just Do It

It is so easy to not start because of feeling overwhelmed, or feeling like you don’t know enough, or that you’ve got to do it “right.” Build learning and humility into your practice from the very beginning so that making mistakes is expected and ok. Try not to let fear or the need for perfection get in the way of getting curious and getting involved.

My mother-in-law is 95 years old and lives in northwestern Connecticut. We call her Akka. Several years ago, Akka met Maria Horn who was running for the Connecticut House of Representatives. To win, she’d have to unseat the incumbent. Many in Akka’s neighborhood had been quietly yearning for change. Akka decided she’d like to help by hosting weekly tea parties where neighbors and townspeople could meet Maria. Every week all summer, Akka invited people to sit around her well-loved wooden table. Her table seats eight, so saving a seat for her and another for Maria, that meant six guests each week. She hosted about twelve parties in all, and Akka guesses about 75 people attended. Maria Horn ended up winning the election by 64 votes (!!!) and according to Maria’s campaign manager, Akka’s kitchen table was instrumental in pushing her over the top. 

Akka did it, and so can you. In fact, so can all of us! Think of the power that could be unleashed if millions more of us cared enough to invite, be invited, get curious about local issues, and take actions to address them, together.

(About the Author: In 2021, Hali Lee was named to Forbes’ 50 Over 50: Impact in recognition of her work as a founder of the Donors of Color Network, the first-ever national network of wealthy folks of color, and Philanthropy Together, a national collective giving support organization. Today, she leads a boutique consulting practice, Radiant Strategies, whose clients include Fidelity Charitable, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, and the W.K. Kellogg Foundation.   She lives in Brooklyn. Her new book, The Big We, comes out later this month.)