By Louis Chan, AsAmNews Staff Writer
Celebrity and talk show host Jeannie Mai is acknowledging she feared having children due to a childhood trauma of being sexually abused.
She disclosed on her YouTube channel she recently had a nightmare about that experience until her husband Jeezy woke her up and reassured her.
Mai said she would have bet every penny she had that she would never get pregnant, but “here I am.” Her child is due in June.
“Whenever you heard me say ‘I don’t want to have kids,’ it was such a clear cut feeling,” she said.
The couple started out with their relationship accepting that neither wanted children together. Jeezy had two children from a previous relationship and Mai was happy never having children.
“There were dreams about my childhood, there were dreams about me lying in my bed crying, there were moments when I audibly in my dreams said words to just stop people from hurting me.
“I was crying so hard that I felt Jeezy’s hands wrap around my belly and tap me slowly, and it got harder and harder until I woke up and I saw that I was holding my belly and the baby was kicking underneath against my hand. I woke up to this baby waking me up out of my dream.
“I realize the reason I never wanted kids-that feeling I had as a kid was so real and so damaging to the point I’m 42 today and still dealing with trust issues.
The reason she didn’t want kids is she didn’t trust herself to protect her child.
“It still scares me that I can still do that. It still scares me whether or not I can keep a kid safe from someone else who might hurt them. It scares me my child will be in a situation and not being able to tell me or I’m not going to be there to help them.
“But I also know I am a mighty woman today. I know I have a partner that also feels the same way and has had his own hurt and pain in his life and its important that through this child we build the type of childhood we never had. I’ve been through so much and I survived and I’m shining. My heart is ready. I have a partner who is also equally dedicated to heal his life by having a child.”
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